Feedback on Roughcut Thriller

Overall, we got good feedback on our thriller opening, including on our Camera angles, Music, Makeup and Location and Shots.
Things that we need to work on are, Our title, Dialogue, The length of the room scene and Diegetic Sound.
Our title was said to have been a bit random coming into the shot because it was too quick so we are going to improve this by extending it to be being longer however we're going to be keeping it in the same position. The dialogue needs to be louder as you cannot hear the speech from Ben clearly therefore we are planning on him saying it on a tape recorder and replacing the original sound. The indent that we created needs to be on screen for a bit longer as it was considered really good but disappeared too quickly, we also need to position it into the movie more than we have already, maybe introduce a transition. The length of the room scene was said to be too long, so therefore we are going to crop it to reduce it. This will be positive to the movie introduction as it will cut down the time of it over all. At the beginning of the opening,the sound consists of a certain noise that appears to be a bowling bowl, the feedback we got with this is that it doesnt work with the genre of the film and therefore we are going to either remove it or cut it from the sound clip on final cut.
Having got all this feedback we now know how to work on improving our thriller opening so that it is more engaging to our directed audience.